The shaggy-headed guy gave us that you're-my-next-new-best-friend look as we passed by, but with no other seats available, we had no choice but to sit next to him.

"You guys at the Rockies game?" he said, slurring.

"Uh, yeah," was my response, hoping he'd catch the irritation in my voice and end the conversation there.

No such luck.

This guy spent the next 15 minutes spouting off about how great it was to see the Rockies get to the National League Championship Series with their sweep of the Philadelphia Phillies. After a while, we started to realize that he had no idea what he was talking about -- not just from being drunk, but from being a complete idiot.

Wanting to have a little fun and hoping to chase him off, we decided to ask if he knew who the manager of the Rockies was.

"No. I just like to support the team," he responded, his voice raising with each syllable as if he was trying to prove his loyalty to the entire bar.

It was just as we suspected: not only was the Shaggy lookalike a buffoon, he was a bandwagoneer.

Now, fans in general can be an irritating lot, from the scream-at-the-top-of-his-lungs-through-the-whole-game putz who always seems to be sitting right behind you -- "Hey ump, whataya, blind?!" -- to the cliche-spewing goober who berates his son for not using two B's when putting a walk down on the scorecard.

But the bandwagoneer is the worst of the bunch.

This is the fan who doesn't pay any attention to a team until they win, then acts like he's been there all along. This fan doesn't know the difference between a bunt and punt, yet will tell anyone who's listening what's wrong with A-Rod's swing.

And the worst part is that they clog up the stadiums, looking goofier than Mark Cuban on "Dancing with the Stars" as they walk in groups of six, shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking the entire concourse.

The Peanut Gallery's disdain for morons has been well documented in this space, and the bandwagoneers are near the top of the list, in part because there's so many of them.

It's one thing to run into the occasional idiot at the grocery store or the interstate, but a stadium full of them is about like being stuck in the futuristic world in Luke Wilson's "Idiocracy" (or having to watch that horrible flick more than once).

The problem with the bandwagoneer is that he's a product society. We live in a time when people don't seem to want to work for anything; they'd rather have someone give it to them for free.

How else do you explain a group of New York fans suing Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for deceiving customers by videotaping the Jets' defensive signals? That ranks right up there with the judge suing a dry cleaner for $67 million because he didn't get his pants on time and the woman who went after McDonald's because her coffee was too hot.

Bandwagon fans don't want to put in the time to actually follow a team. They'd rather jump onboard when the going gets good because it makes them look like winners. The reality is that they're probably shallow and lacking in self esteem, trying to make themselves appear more important by latching onto a sports team that happens to be winning games.

OK, I'll admit it: I have no idea what I'm talking about. I know as much about psychology as I do feminine hygiene products. I have a hard time figuring out how to stop picking my nose in the car and I'm going to analyze a group of complete strangers?

Truth is, I just can't stand the bandwagon or the people on it. It's nice to see the Rockies do well after all those years of struggling, particularly for Todd Helton, but I almost wish they'd lose so I don't have to deal with drunken nitwits after the games.

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A few other thoughts from the playoffs:

-- Rockies manager Clint Hurdle must have the strongest jaw in all of sports. He works that gum like he's trying to gnaw through a concrete wall.

-- Not sure, but I think TBS is going to have a new show called "Frank TV." Either that or the network is trying set a record for most promotions in the span of 90 seconds.

-- Someone please tell Josh Beckett that his head is too big for that tiny fuzz thing he's got going on his chin. Besides, the Beelzebub beard isn't the best look anyway.

-- The shiny domes of Frank Thomas and Cal Ripken Jr. make it look like TBS is trying to do a remake of "Saturday Night Live's" old Coneheads skit. It's hard to tell which melon rises higher, but I think Thomas has Ripken by an inch or two.

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John Marshall is asap's sports reporter, based in Denver.

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